With so many thoughts free-falling within my mind, it’s surprising that not a single one can be caught and pinpointed. My body moves in seeming unison, the involuntary mobile end of a marionette, under full control of such uncontrolled thoughts. Butterflies form within my stomach, rising and fluttering simultaneously with the heavy beats within my heart, and I feel tears well up in my eyes and a slight smile attempt its way upon my face.
My soft eyes meeting the gaze of yours, I am overwhelmed, and all the scurrying within me only grows greater and more out of control. My hands begin to feel clammy and to tremble lightly as my nerves increase; suddenly my constant desire to stroke your entire body dissipates as I imagine the sweat of my palms caught in your chest hair and my voice quivering with each outburst during intimacy.
A smile growing across your face now, I look away, unable to hide any of the fluttering, pumping, trembling from within. I remain unable to control my body, and I can’t run from the awkward situation I have placed myself in – I regain eye contact, and force a coy smile. I am taken aback as your smile slowly becomes toothless, uncertain of whether our interaction is taking steps forward or backward.
As your lips abruptly meet mine, I am shocked by the natural ease of our first kiss, and I am unable to reach satiation; we pull apart and I immediately wish I could live forever with my lips upon yours. Your hands graze my lower back and I realize I am no longer trembling. Our eyes lock once more, and the energy is more palpable than before. Growing larger now, my smile finally gleams with sincerity, and the butterflies in my stomach cease in their new confidence; the strings of the marionette that I have become are suddenly entangled within the fingers of the man before me – the man that I have already fallen in love with.
chasing clarity 